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Dear Stephen Michael's Mother: A Memoir Paperback – November 7, 2020

4.9 out of 5 stars 108 ratings

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“Dear Stephen Michael’s Mother is not simply a story of redemption; it is a vivid tale of the fall.”From first time author, Kevin Barhydt, comes a memoir of how a young boy abandoned, abused and addicted became a man with the hope, courage and resilience to seek his biological mother.

Abandoned by his mother at birth, Kevin was enveloped in a labyrinth of adoption, addiction, and child sexual abuse. By age 20, a shell of the boy he once was, Kevin succumbed completely to a suicidal lifestyle of drug dealing and prostitution. At 45, after many years of recovery, Kevin began a painful journey to uncover his origins, and the hopeful search for his mother.

“Dear Stephen Michael’s Mother” chronicles the unfolding of these two stories. The interwoven perspectives offer an unflinching look at the myriad ways life can cloak us in darkness and helplessness yet still resonate with joy and recovery.


PRAISE FOR DEAR STEPHEN MICHAEL’S MOTHER:

"You read Kevin’s book for the story of a life lived beyond what seems survivable. You read it to learn that anything is possible, that the human spirit is as remarkable as some people say it is, more than remarkable: miraculous."
—Anne Heffron, author of "You Don't Look Adopted"

“Kevin’s story was no secret to me. Reading it made my heart bleed. This memoir is memorable; it is a gripping narrative, a detective novel told with a congenial and deceptive simplicity. The description of addiction – the cravings, bad decisions, withdrawal, and the endless drug seeking and general life chaos, the desperation and despair – tore through me, reminded me, terrified me. The search for family, the need for connection, for finding faces that mirror your own, was deeply familiar to me. And Oh the places one can go that Dr. Seuss could not begin to imagine, and yet to begin to imagine that one could, ever-so-slowly, climb out from the pit of shame and revulsion. It is not simply a story of redemption; it is a vivid tale of the fall.”
—Arlene Lev, author, clinical social worker, family therapist, educator

"Kevin Barhydt has written a powerful, intense, and searingly honest story of himself growing up adopted, suffering the feelings of abandonment and rejection so common to adoptees and so tragic in their effects on self-esteem and personal development. Barhydt has been uncompromising in covering the dark aspects of a life gone off the rails, making for difficult reading at times as he takes us into the details of his youthful history, but when he finally wakes up to the need to transform and redeem himself, we are thankful to read of his beginning healing and then joyful discovery of the family he'd always missed and longed for. This book may be of particular interest to other adoptees, all too many of whom have also suffered secondary addictions."
—Linda Franklin, author of “I'll Always Carry You”

“This is not your typical addict-memoir. There are no celebrities, no athletes, politicians or rock stars or their offspring. Only ordinary people. Kevin Barhydt takes us deep into the dark labyrinth of cruelty and hopelessness that is the world of those who fall for the lies that narcotics and alcohol tell us. Addicts talk about hitting bottom, but Barhydt shows us there is no bottom. No matter how bad things get, they can always get worse. Sometimes with dark humor, other times with clear-eyed reporting, he gives us the true picture of men, women and children in a typical American community, whom we walk past everyday, seemingly fine, but underneath the surface fighting a losing battle for their sanity and finally, their lives. Just as honest too, is the story of Kevin's journey out of that existence. I was not sure he'd make it until the book's final sentence. This may not be for the casual reader, but if you or anyone you love struggles with addiction, you should read this book.”
—Martin Egan, playwright

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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ S.M. Waguespack Publishing
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ November 7, 2020
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 280 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1735760005
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1735760001
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.64 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.9 out of 5 stars 108 ratings

About the author

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Kevin Barhydt
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Kevin Barhydt was born and raised in a little town called Rotterdam, in Schenectady, NY. The bumper stickers say “Rotterdam: A Nice Place to Live. That’s all it is, nothing more, nothing less. Kevin dropped out of Shalmont High School after 10th grade, graduated from Schenectady County Community College when he was 26, received a Bachelor of Science in Acting and Directing from New York State University at Albany when he was 29, and at 55 years of age completed a Master’s Degree in Education from The University Wisconsin, Stout.

Kevin developed a YouTube channel specifically to serve individuals healing from the adverse affects of abandonment, adoption, child sexual abuse and addiction. In the past two years Kevin has created over 70 episodes, and conducted in-depth interviews. He has appeared in media & podcast interviews as an addiction recovery, adoptee, and child sexual abuse victim’s advocate. Kevin serves on the board of the Rainbow Access Initiative, dedicated to ensuring the comprehensive physical and mental health care and human services for the LGBTQ+ community. He is a Senior Learning and Inclusive Technology Analyst at Union College in Schenectady, NY.

Customer reviews

4.9 out of 5 stars
108 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find this memoir compelling and well-written, describing it as an emotional journey that's worth their time. The book offers a powerful story of adoption, with one customer noting it's an important contribution to the literature about adopted children. Customers appreciate the author's honesty and resilience, with one review highlighting how they expertly weave past and present experiences.

41 customers mention "Pacing"41 positive0 negative

Customers praise the memoir's pacing, describing it as a compelling and emotional journey that completely fascinates readers.

"...But nothing could prepare me for this raw, gut-wrenching confession/unburdening of this man’s life story. I’m delighted he survived...." Read more

"...This is the true story of the author’s journey that began as a baby given up for adoption...." Read more

"...It is the story of the power of the human spirit; one of hope, resilience, and courage. Highly recommended...." Read more

"...The rhythm and flow is riveting and suspenseful...." Read more

22 customers mention "Writing style"16 positive6 negative

Customers praise the writing style of the memoir, describing it as beautifully penned and easy to read.

"...He talks straight, with an openness and honesty rarely seen. I don't think there's anyone who wouldn't benefit from reading this book...." Read more

"...This book is brilliantly penned by a first time author, Kevin Barhydt. “..." Read more

"...There are painful parts to read, but this is Kevin’s truth and as most adopted people understand, our truths matter; ALL truths matter, including..." Read more

"...This book is a story of yearning, search and redemption, vividly told. Trust me, it's a page turner...." Read more

16 customers mention "Value for money"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the memoir to be a compelling read that is worth their time.

"...The heartbreaking and uplifting novel is an absolute must read. This book is brilliantly penned by a first time author, Kevin Barhydt. “..." Read more

"...family–-but it's a gripping story all the same, and very much worth your time." Read more

"...A tough and harrowing read at times but it’s SO worth completing the these parts of the Kevin’s journey through life...so far...." Read more

"...interweaving both of these journeys makes for a captivating and compelling read...." Read more

13 customers mention "Resilience"10 positive3 negative

Customers appreciate the memoir's resilience, with one noting how the author didn't hold any punches, while another describes it as cleverly crafted.

"...more about the human condition - with all our fallibility and resilience and strength...." Read more

"The experience, strength and hope in this book feels like a gift. It's a gripping read; I couldn't put it down...." Read more

"...And tell it, he did. Excellently! It is well constructed, avoiding the pitfalls of many memoirs... “I did this, then I did this, then I did that;..." Read more

"This is one of the most harrowing and difficult books I have ever read...." Read more

12 customers mention "Adoption story"12 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the adoption story in this memoir, describing it as a powerful narrative. One customer notes how it provides insight into the struggles of adoption, while another mentions it serves as an important contribution to the literature about adopted children.

"This is an outstanding new adoptee memoir by Kevin Barhydt...." Read more

"...Highly recommended. Suggested also for adoptees and those with addictions. I rate this book 5 out of 5" Read more

"...Dear Stephen Michael’s Mother is a no holds barred story of adoption, addiction, sexual assault, prostitution and everything in between...." Read more

"Heartbreaking but powerful story of adoption, addiction, and personal destruction but also one of hope and perseverance...." Read more

9 customers mention "Honesty"9 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's honesty.

"I read Kevin’s book twice! It’s an honest and heartfelt glimpse into a life filled with real struggles - layered with the complicated issues..." Read more

"...I want to thank Kevin for his bravery, honesty, courage and insights...." Read more

"...I find myself so . The pure Raw honesty in this book is a gift to many other adoptees, who have struggled with these issues...." Read more

"...An incredibly honest and brave telling of a life that through challenges and obstacles that I personally don’t think I could over come with the..." Read more

6 customers mention "Art direction"6 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the art direction of the book, with one noting how the author expertly weaves past and present, while another describes it as a painfully honest look inward.

"...Barhydt bares his soul artfully and passionately as he unfolds two tales: the story of his coming of age in the 1960s-70s and early 80s and the..." Read more

"...is superb, and he keeps the story moving forward, expertly weaving past and present to keep us engaged and anxious for the day of his..." Read more

"OMG! This is such a beautiful, ugly, happy, and sad book. I loved the intertwining of past and present events...." Read more

"This is a meaningful and painfully honest look inwards that ultimately ends in triumph and peace. So well done and real." Read more

6 customers mention "Healing rate"6 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's remarkable recovery and redemption themes.

"...This book is a story of yearning, search and redemption, vividly told. Trust me, it's a page turner...." Read more

"...Kevin’s story is one of both intense pain and of hope and healing. He has found a world of of wonder and peace...." Read more

"...and revealing memoir of adoption, addiction, survival and the long road to healing...." Read more

"Incredible journey of hope and recovery...." Read more

A true journey thru abandonment of adoption, the pain of addiction and the horror of sexual abuse.
5 out of 5 stars
A true journey thru abandonment of adoption, the pain of addiction and the horror of sexual abuse.
This memoir is a true story. As I turn each page, I cannot stop reading this book! The reader is quickly immersed into the story. As soon as one chapter ends you must continue reading. The story is an emotional journey that pulls the reader through the abandonment of adoption, the pain of addiction and the horror of sexual abuse. The heartbreaking and uplifting novel is an absolute must read. This book is brilliantly penned by a first time author, Kevin Barhydt. “Dear Stephen Michaels Mother”, is exceptionally written, organized and presented. It transports the reader directly into the depths of despair, frustrations and life altering events as they are unfolding. We have a new author today, a brilliant shining star when we most need it most during these dark times. A story of hope and recovery, it is an amazing memoir. I cannot wait for the next book. UPDATE: I read this a second time and found that were many more courageous events than I first realized during the first reading. Reading the second time revealed more...much more than I realized. I feel like the seciond reading is still a new story for me. Perhaps I re-read through new eyes? This truly is a powerful novel. I highly recommend reading it more than once. I am committed to read at least once a year. Every new years day I will just pick this book up as a tribute and a reminder. Thank you Kevin for being a courageous author and for being such a good writer! PS This is no longer "Kevins book". He gave this book to the world. So now we share it with him. It is still HIS story but the book now belongs to all of us.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on February 16, 2021
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    This is an outstanding new adoptee memoir by Kevin Barhydt. Barhydt bares his soul artfully and passionately as he unfolds two tales: the story of his coming of age in the 1960s-70s and early 80s and the story of his search for his elusive biological mother.

    Substance addiction is a common concern for many in the adoptee community, and Barhydt spares few details as he shares his painful experiences which began as an innocent pre-teen lad and continued through his time in the military and beyond. Every social, romantic, work-related, and familial relationship is tested to the brink as he descends further into the upside-down world of alcohol, drugs, and multiple forms of abuse. There are painful parts to read, but this is Kevin’s truth and as most adopted people understand, our truths matter; ALL truths matter, including the difficult ones.

    The part about his search and reunion experience was very similar to my own in that it took place during a similar era, and he found siblings in a totally different time zone in what felt like a magical and “exotic” section of the continent unlike any other part of the US. It also happened pre-social media. There is one other similarity, but it would be a spoiler to disclose it in this review.

    A few items that “jumped’ out at me while reading:

    "…My mother and father had searched for a child, paid a fee, signed paperwork, and claimed me as their own. Now I did the same.” This comes from the section when the author comes to the conclusion that he needs to put his faith in the services of a paid search angel. Most adoptees were "paid for" because of private lawyer fees, agency fees, or even general courthouse fees. Typically our adoptive parents paid these costs. Even if it is / was a norm of the day, the idea can make some adopted people feel like merchandise. It’s probably a coincidence but the fact that Barhydt was at one point deployed to a naval base in Rota, Spain struck me. (I’m a Spanish education major!) The adjective, “Roto / Rota” (feminine version) in Spanish means “broken”. How odd and poignant that as the author was hitting a “broken” point of his life he was sent to a town by the same name. 

    This memoir is an easy-not-easy read. Not easy due to some of the sensitive subject matter; easy in that Barhydt writes with an engaging and clear, straight-forward style. I finished all 267 pages of this book in basically two days. (That includes the prologue to the acknowledgments.) I could not put it down, and I felt involved with every character in the story. This is a great addition to every adoption constellation member’s book collection and an especially brilliant insight for counselors / therapists and anyone with addiction experiences. 
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on July 22, 2021
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    OMG ! How the hell is the author still alive? To chastise or hug him, that is the question.

    Unfortunately, I was so engrossed that I neglected to take notes as I read Dear Stephen Michael’s Mother. So my review is going to be a bit random. In fact, it is difficult to summarise what I felt about it. It was so profoundly moving, and it provoked so many conflicting emotions that it is almost impossible to organize my thoughts into any sort of coherent sense. But rest assured, I have babbled incoherently about it to whomever I happen to meet.

    I found myself moved and shocked in equal measure. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything by anyone as brutally honest as this. It opened my eyes to the pain that so many people go through. It reminded me that behind us all (and I mean, ALL) there is a back story.

    I winced, cried, laughed, and gasped as I read; all the while reassuring myself that somehow or other the author must have lived to tell the tale. And tell it, he did. Excellently! It is well constructed, avoiding the pitfalls of many memoirs... “I did this, then I did this, then I did that; all the way from A to Z...” Kevin’s book connects the past to the present in twists and turns, and slick about-face moves. He is really an accomplished author and I take my hat off to him.

    I didn’t think much about adoption when little, apart from fantasizing about myself. I was sure I was a long-lost princess fostered out so I’d grow up humble. Sooner or later, a Rolls Royce was bound to turn up to whisk me off to a palace somewhere. (It never did, by the way).
    However, as an adult, I’ve met people keen to adopt, and felt their pain, anxiety, hope as they’ve gone through the process. I have friends who foster children and tell me it is incredibly rewarding (although at times heartbreaking), and I’ve watched and cried over TV shows about people tracking down their birth parents. But nothing could prepare me for this raw, gut-wrenching confession/unburdening of this man’s life story.

    I’m delighted he survived. I’m not going to tell you how he did (because I'm not sure). Although there were major external factors that helped, of course, I think the strength really was his alone. Kevin himself doesn’t go on and on about who/what 'saved' him, but I’m just glad it did. I’m glad he found family.

    I admire and respect the author more than I can express. Read it! This book will change you for the better, even while haunting you.
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2022
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Sharing the brutal truth is never an easy path. Kevin holds nothing back in his memoir Dear Stephen Michael’s Mother. I felt as if I was walking alongside him in the perplexing mystery of finding his biological mother. My heart palpitated as I turned each page which graphically detailed the horrors of his alcohol and drug addiction. With every sentence I found myself praying that this story would turn out to be fiction. How much could one person survive?

    I do not know Kevin, but I can assuredly tell you that his courage knows no boundaries. He willingly allows the reader to step into the darkness of trauma, the heaviness of choosing whatever is necessary to get the drug fix, and the whirlwind of trying to operate a life while addiction is actually running the show. It is a roller coaster ride till the end.

    Amidst the darkness… light will prevail. Mr. Barhydt imparts his profound honesty with a message of mercy. I was transfixed by his ability to rise above all that had befallen him. His message of hope colors the final chapters proving that anyone can rise from the depths of despair, addiction, and loss. There can be redemption…grace is indeed possible.

    I admire Mr. Barhydt for his bravery to convey what so many do not understand about addiction. I also admire his tenacity in the search for the woman who gave him life. His ability to illuminate the absolute suffering of the human spirit on both these matters was indeed a journey.

    Thank you Kevin for shining your light upon the darkness so that others might see. It takes monumental courage to tell the truth…but the truth shall set us free. I am grateful you are here to tell it.
    2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Virginia MacKay
    5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing
    Reviewed in Canada on November 23, 2020
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Kevin...you are an amazing man for stepping into the ‘new world’. I’m so happy for you and inspired by you.

    Adoption isn’t always pretty and it’s even harder to talk about the parts that nobody wants to hear about.

    I can’t wait to read your ‘next’ book and I am definitely going to be re-reading this one.

    Excellent job on telling your truths...it takes a beautiful person with a beautiful soul to be able to write their life experiences in such a way that the reader feels like they were there with you.