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Mark Rice
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Heathen Howff Kindle Edition

by Mark Rice (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
5.0 out of 5 stars 8 ratings
Thirty-six works from the mind behind 'Metallic Dreams'. A combination of short stories, not-so-short stories, philosophy (or Riceosophy, to be more accurate) and poetry, 'Heathen Howff' is a grown-up Scottish tip o' the hat to Aesop's Fables. Each piece has a point and a moral. Most of the stories are non-fiction, which just goes to show that truth can be more surreal than fiction.

How did the author end up in a Mexican stand-off on a Scottish bridge?

How did the three wildest parties he attended result in: (1) a friend in flames; (2) a Schrödinger’s cat situation in which sex may and/or may not have happened; (3) a guitar named after a fish mysteriously finding its way to him?

Does infinity have an edge or does it go on forever?

How did the author’s childhood love of practical jokes manifest in a prank that nearly blew a man’s face off?

When a drunken prophet in Scotland’s roughest town predicted an imminent Apocalypse, what happened next?

While the author was living in Edinburgh, why did his flat need two telescopes rather than one?

What happened when Mark Rice met Zodiac Mindwarp, the Tattooed Beat Messiah?

The answers to these and many other pressing philosophical questions can be found inside Heathen Howff. Dive in, open your mind, relax and enjoy yourself.
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  1. Print length
    184 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Accessibility
    Learn more
  4. Publication date
    April 4, 2016
  5. File size
    1.9 MB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

When my novel Metallic Dreams emerged, life became more bizarre. Praise rolled in from diverse sources, tempered by occasional disgust or outrage. Scottish poet James Scott Pettigrew said, "I love your book but you should be kicked in the gonads for writing it." From the icy Scandinavian north came a castration threat, issued by a Viking woman from a family of champion axe-throwers. A death threat arrived in song. Used panties arrived in the post. Zodiac Mindwarp gave the book his seal of approval, as did metal trailblazers Saxon. These experiences confirmed that I was on the right path. Heathen Howff continues on that path. It contains 36 separate works comprising fiction, non-fiction, philosophy and poetry. As a tip o' the hat to Aesop's Fables, each piece has a moral. Enjoy.

About the Author

Born in Glasgow, Scotland. Grew up in the new town of East Kilbride. Began scribbling stories at the age of five. At ten, discovered heavy metal and Douglas Adams. Never looked back. Rumours of a deal with the Devil at a Scottish crossroads may have been exaggerated. Then again, Robert Burns saw Auld Clootie in Old Alloway Kirk...

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B01DTY47IE
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Horned Helmet
  • Accessibility ‏ : ‎ Learn more
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ April 4, 2016
  • Edition ‏ : ‎ 7th
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 1.9 MB
  • Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 184 pages
  • Page Flip ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Customer Reviews:
    5.0 out of 5 stars 8 ratings

About the author

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Mark Rice

Mark Rice

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Grew up surrounded by music, books and animals. Started scribbling stories at age five. At ten, discovered Douglas Adams and heavy metal. Never looked back.

Author of (among other things) #1 Amazon bestseller Metallic Dreams, an epic tale of mayhem, mischief and metal music, all with uniquely Scottish flavour. Sequel coming soon.

Customer reviews

5 out of 5 stars
8 global ratings

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Top reviews from the United States

  • Kathrin Hutson
    5.0 out of 5 stars I still just want more...
    Reviewed in the United States on October 21, 2016
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    For anyone who's read 'Metallic Dreams' and is biting their nails for the release of 'MD2', this collection will give you just enough to whet your appetite and remind you all over again why you love this author (as if you needed a reminder). It's a beautiful mix of poetry, non-fiction, philosophical ranting, and a bit of nonsense, all lovingly and poignantly brought together to bridge the gap between the amazing characters and narrative in 'Metallic Dreams' and the author's real-life experiences. And I just can't get enough of the good ol' Scottish hooliganism!
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Pure
    Reviewed in the United States on May 16, 2016
    Format: Kindle
    At first I was happy to see a new Mark Rice book. Then I was disappointed when I noticed it wasn't the sequel to Metallic Dreams, which I've been waiting years for. Heathen Howff is a collection of short standalone works. I couldn't fathom why Rice would waste his time faffing about with short stories, poems and chunks of his own philosophy when there's demand for a sequel to his debut novel. The whole endeavour seemed like an ill-advised waste of time. Then I read Heathen Howff and all was forgiven. The writing is alternately fearless, clever, incisive, eloquent, shocking, succinct and profound. Sometimes it manages to be several of those things at once. And when it's funny it's REALLY funny. I cried with laughter at some parts and sobbed in sorrow at others. How do Rice's words elicit such emotional responses? Is there some sort of word sorcery at work? Maybe it's just talent but I'm betting on the sorcery. I don't care how he achieves it really, just as long as he keeps doing it.
    One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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  • Max Headroom
    5.0 out of 5 stars A total must read
    Reviewed in Germany on February 27, 2018
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    A collection of short stories, poems, bits of personal philosophy and other bits and pieces by the author of Metallic Dreams. What sets Mark Rice apart from the majority of writers and artists in general is that he has found his own voice. Rice is also an excellent wordsmith yet what makes reading his work truly remarkable is that it is unfiltered. There will certainly be people who dislike his writing, because a Mark Rice book is not for everybody, just like his beloved Heavy Metal is not for everybody. Yet if in today‘s overpolished world you are able to find an original voice than that is something truly special. As John Lennon said: „Gimme some truth!“
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  • Kindle Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars a poignant poem that is beautiful in both its theme and words
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 30, 2017
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    “Rights to existence are not proportionate to size of brain.
    That’s an immutable truth.
    Even the most infinitesimal creature has an infinite right to exist.
    Keep this truth in mind and compassion flows unfettered.”

    Heathen Howff is the first works I’ve read from Scottish writer Mark Rice. It is an eclectic mix of poetry, stories, odes and philosophy (or Riceosophy). I made the mistake of sitting down with this collection while winding down for an early night. Unbeknownst to me, this book should have come with a warning that it is very difficult to put down. I found myself caught up in the cycle of, “Ah, just another one.” I was hooked by the opening piece, Homecoming, a poignant poem that is beautiful in both its theme and words. No sooner had my eyes dried, than the proceeding short story, Cuban Roulette, had me shaking all over, with tears of laughter, this time, running down my face. That should be the second warning. This book is funny. I mean laugh-out-loud funny. Try reading A Mexican Stand-Off in Scotland with a straight face – I dare you. And I laughed even harder reading it second-time round, because I knew what was coming.

    So the book is funny, but it’s also moving and thought-provoking. The author himself cites that the pieces are intensely personal. At the heart of the laugh-out-loud moments in Cuban Roulette is the touching relationship between father and son, also touched upon in Infinity (a personal favourite of mine). Short stories The Hauntie and Life Imitating Art left me with the hairs standing up on the back of my neck, while Night Creatures, and Man, Mountain resonated with my own love of animals. The pieces in this collection are wildly different, and yet the unique and consistent voice of the author runs through them all, linking them like an invisible thread.

    After listening to the Kindle edition for a second time, I decided to buy the print copy (which even has a bonus story at the end) to keep on my bookshelf. Believe me, this is a book I will want to return to over and over again.
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  • jannert
    5.0 out of 5 stars ...and then things escalated....
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 1, 2016
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    “....as often happens when I enjoy an activity to that degree, things escalated.”

    I’ve read Heathen Howff through, cover to cover, three times. That’s how much I’ve enjoyed it, laughed over it, punched the air a few times, and actually shed a tear (when the author meets his old teacher in a pub.) However, I had to struggle to corner an idea of what I should be reviewing about it.

    This author is a force of nature, with a voice that is direct, consistent, funny, engaging and convincing to a scary degree. Most of the work here seems autobiographical, with one particular exception: Unorthodox Morning, a short story about an orderly, humble man who is forced to confront (and leap over) an unexpected challenge.

    It’s this short story that gave me the idea of how Heathen Howff can be summarised. Nearly every piece—anecdotes, recollections, what-if expansions, essays, poems, philosophical rants, and that one little gem of pure fiction—explores the gap between what you expect to happen and what actually DOES happen.

    That gap is pretty wide in most of these pieces, as it often is in life. Many folks (including me) are frightened by that gap and try to minimise it, if they can. Mark Rice appears to revel in it, push it, encourage it, even create it. He also seems to cherish the people, animals and incidents that have touched his life, and never forgets who they are or were, or what they have shown him. And therein lies the appeal of this collection. The writer comes across as a fearless person with a heart and a head that fully appreciates fear, experiences it, then puts it in its place every time. This attitude is oddly comforting, to a feartie like me.

    Heathen Howff is a collection you will read again and again. You’ll probably quote it on occasion, as well.
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