First and foremost, this book is not for people still in an abusive relationship as it includes a 12 week process towards recovery for those who have fled and in a safe space. We are encouraged in a new way of living, changed behaviors and patterns, raised self confidence, a renewed self identity and remembering purpose and dreams. If you are still in an abusive relationship, engaging in changed behavior can put you in further danger.
For 12 weeks, we are taken through readings, education, self awareness principles, challenges, and exercises to guide us toward recovery. Each week, we are given a new lesson, key to our recovery process. Remember, upon leaving abuse, we have lost our self esteem, we have no idea who we are nor how to feel, we need to learn boundaries, and we must go through the important process of loss and grief. Thankfully, we are no longer alone! The Recovery Toolkit serves as a guide through the process and includes the most important lessons in our journey.
Lessons Include:
Week One: How We Think
Week Two: Dynamics of Domestic Abuse
Week Three: Self Esteem
Week Four: How We cope Emotionally
Week 5: Our Children
Week 6: Self-Care
Week 7: A New Assertive You
Week 8: Being Angry
Week 9: Boundaries
Week 10: Grief and Loss
Week 11: Healthy Relationships
Week 12: The End of the Journey
Perhaps, my favorite chapter was that of Week 6, Self-Care. While in a toxic and abusive relationship, we did not have time nor the energy to engage in caring for ourself. In fact, most often, we do not realize the importance of valuing ourself and thus neglect the process of self care. Our brain has become accustomed to the ridicule and harmful words from our abuser and we learn to abuse ourselves. Furthermore, we second guess the words and actions of others. Chapter 6 guides us through the use of simple affirmations to change our negative thought patterns.
Affirmation Examples
“I am learning how I want to be treated
I have learned a lot about myself”
The exercise in chapter 6 gives us an opportunity to write down and practice new affirmations for ourselves. It sets aside a page within the chapter for us to do so!
Each chapter also includes a thought diary, a guide for us to write down our emotions, thoughts, and challenges during situations throughout the day. I found this to be especially helpful as I face new challenges as I step into year 4 of my healing journey. Writing my thoughts down allowed me to be more mindful in caring for myself, allow myself more grace, give myself permission to rest, and learn to be present and still.
I highly recommend The Recovery Toolkit for all survivors and overcomers who have escaped abusive and toxic relationships. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.
About the author
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on July 29, 2020
Top reviews from other countries
- Rachael HullReviewed in the United Kingdom on July 30, 2020
To Support your recovery from Domestic Abuse
You would think I would have learned the first time when I removed myself from domestic abuse, namely coercive control but no ten years later I fell for it again.Rachael HullTo Support your recovery from Domestic Abuse
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 30, 2020
When you finally break free you have lost all self-worth and friends and family will say you are a shadow of your former self. In fact, that was just what made me break free the first time, when one of my best friends said she wanted the old Rach back.
I was shocked to the core but it was the comment I needed and the following weekend I went off on my own and rented a flat. For some reason, I kept seeing him even though we now lived 40 miles apart.
It eventually fizzled out when I realised I was still doing all the running about while he came up with an excuse every time that he couldn’t come to me.
At that point, I just had to find my way out of it but it was helped by the fact I had moved so far away from him.
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THE RECOVERY TOOLKIT
July 30, 2020 Leave a Comment
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When Jen Gilmour asked me if I would like to take part in the virtual blog tour for Sue Penna’s The Recovery Toolkit, I jumped at the chance.
My Review
You would think I would have learned the first time when I removed myself from domestic abuse, namely coercive control but no ten years later I fell for it again.
You would think I would have learned the first time when I removed myself from #DomesticAbuse, namely #CoerciveControl but no ten years later I fell for it again.CLICK TO TWEET
When you finally break free you have lost all self-worth and friends and family will say you are a shadow of your former self. In fact, that was just what made me break free the first time, when one of my best friends said she wanted the old Rach back.
I was shocked to the core but it was the comment I needed and the following weekend I went off on my own and rented a flat. For some reason, I kept seeing him even though we now lived 40 miles apart.
It eventually fizzled out when I realised I was still doing all the running about while he came up with an excuse every time that he couldn’t come to me.
At that point, I just had to find my way out of it but it was helped by the fact I had moved so far away from him.
What I do wish though was that I had access to The Recovery Toolkit because it would have taken me through all the ups and downs I would experience, while helping me to recover.
The recovery toolkit works on the principles of CBT to improve both your self-esteem and reverse your negative thinking.
The recovery toolkit is a 12-week process of which at the end of each week you will complete a task detailing your situation thoughts and challenges the aim is to improve how you feel about yourself and your actions going forward.
It is well written and provides a vital insight into how you will feel once you have left your abusive relationship. The rollercoaster of emotions that you will experience which sadly I can say I have felt all of them at some point. From self-loathing to blaming yourself for everything, even after you have left.
Take it slow and really take your time to take on the weekly challenges as these are vital to your success, if at any time it all gets too much, walk away and come back later.
Even though I am now thankfully a few years out of my last abusive relationship I can still see the strengths in following the processes.
From an accessibility point of view, the text needs to be slightly larger on both kindle and paperback. I personally struggled with both.
All in all, though I can highly recommend The Recovery Toolkit to support you in your recovery from domestic abuse enabling you to see there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Images in this review
- Susan WeißReviewed in Germany on August 3, 2020
This programme can change your life
- Pink babeReviewed in the United Kingdom on July 5, 2024
Good book about domestic abuse
