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If We Could Go Back (Camassia Cove Universe Book 10) Kindle Edition
Hurt/Comfort | Family | First Time Experience | Standalone
Bennett and Kieran’s story spans over several years and brings the reader along on a journey about loss, futile attempts at fighting their deepest desires, friendship, and surrender.
My sister asked me if I could stand the sight my own reflection, if I’d caused enough damage yet, but I didn’t see myself when I looked into the mirror. I saw Kieran standing behind me, pressing a kiss to my shoulder while he undid my belt. I saw everything I wanted that I couldn’t have. Not unless I was prepared to hurt everyone around me.
Kieran was in a similar situation.
Were we monsters or men? Were they one and the same? Did we give a flying f—hell. We did care. Just not enough to stop, not enough to walk away, and I knew we constantly asked ourselves the same question because of it. If we could go back to when we met on the train, if we could erase the deceit, erase our first hello, would we?
This story takes place in Cara Dee’s Camassia Cove Universe, a fictional town where all books stand on their own, unless otherwise stated, and the reader can jump in wherever they want.
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateApril 29, 2019
- File size557 KB
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This option includes 3 books.
This option includes 5 books.
This option includes 10 books.
This option includes 17 books.
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From the Publisher



Product details
- ASIN : B07R68NBXN
- Publisher : Self
- Accessibility : Learn more
- Publication date : April 29, 2019
- Language : English
- File size : 557 KB
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 367 pages
- Page Flip : Enabled
- Book 10 of 17 : Camassia Cove Universe
- Best Sellers Rank: #92,186 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #989 in Gay Fiction
- #2,713 in Gay Romance
- #3,759 in LGBTQ+ Romance (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Romance Across the Spectrum.
I’m often awkwardly silent or, if the topic interests me, a chronic rambler. In other words, I can discuss writing forever and ever. Fiction, in particular. The love story—while a huge draw and constantly present—is secondary for me, because there’s so much more to writing romance fiction than just making two (or more) people fall in love and have hot sex.
There’s a world to build, characters to develop, interests to create, and a topic or two to research thoroughly.
Every book is a challenge for me, an opportunity to learn something new, and a puzzle to piece together. I want my characters to come to life, and the only way I know to do that is to give them substance—passions, history, goals, quirks, and strong opinions—and to let them evolve.
I want my men and women to be relatable. That means allowing room for everyday problems and, for lack of a better word, flaws. My characters will never be perfect.
Wait…this was supposed to be about me, not my writing.
I'm a writey person who loves to write. Always wanderlusting, twitterpating, kinking, cooking, baking, and geeking. There’s time for hockey and family, too. But mostly, I just love to write.
~Cara.
Get social with Cara
www.caradeewrites.com
www.camassiacove.com
Facebook: @caradeewrites
Twitter: @caradeewrites
Instagram: @caradeewrites
Customer reviews
Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.
To calculate the overall star rating and percentage breakdown by star, we don’t use a simple average. Instead, our system considers things like how recent a review is and if the reviewer bought the item on Amazon. It also analyzed reviews to verify trustworthiness.
Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find this book to be a beautiful love story that takes place over many years, with compelling characters, particularly Kieran and Bennett. The writing style is well-executed, and customers appreciate its emotional depth, with one review noting how it immerses readers in the characters' happiness and heartache. The book receives positive feedback for its readability, making it a great weekend read, and customers enjoy its steamy content.
AI Generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers enjoy the beautiful love story in this book, which is written in a realistic way and takes place over many years.
"...Their story is raw and emotional in a way that feels both deeply personal and universally human...." Read more
"This was a great story of how love will conquer all. I know others didn't agree with the cheating aspect but I show how !..." Read more
"...Their relationship was both beautiful and heartbreaking. Their story is so emotional...." Read more
"...I love when authors take situations from life and infuse them in their stories with hope. Hope for acceptance and hope for love and family...." Read more
Customers appreciate the emotional depth of the book, describing it as a heartfelt journey filled with both happiness and heartache, and they find it relatable.
"...Their story is raw and emotional in a way that feels both deeply personal and universally human...." Read more
"...Their relationship was both beautiful and heartbreaking. Their story is so emotional...." Read more
"...Hope for acceptance and hope for love and family. I also love when stories about lost souls who find each other when they least intend to...." Read more
"...This was a strong, sweet romance, with a lot of angst, and some serious feels. It is everything I've come to expect from Cara Dee...." Read more
Customers find the book highly readable and enjoyable, particularly noting that it's a great read for a weekend with nothing planned.
"...Overall, I liked the MMCs, but grappled with my feelings toward their relationship together and with their wives...." Read more
"...from two strangers on a train to where they ended up, but it was worth every moment...." Read more
"...Overall, a decent read that may not be for everyone." Read more
"...But I loved the book and I got super invested in the relationship and cried with them and I just wanted to see them happy." Read more
Customers love the characters in the book, particularly Kieran and Bennett, with one customer noting the tangible attraction between them.
"...Give me the spice! I also really liked a few side characters as well as the kids. It made me excited to read more within the series...." Read more
"...It was just as good this time around! I absolutely loved Ben and Kieran. Their story made you feel like you were there with them...." Read more
"...does have steamy scenes, and there's certainly a tangible attraction between Kieran and Bennett, but the book focuses more on their emotional journey...." Read more
"...The character development of the main characters is so deep that I couldn’t help but connect with them both, feeling both of their own experiences..." Read more
Customers praise the writing style of the book, finding it well-crafted, with one customer noting it reads easily as a standalone within the series.
"...is part of a series I do have to say that this read very easily as a standalone within a series and I did not feel like I was missing anyone's..." Read more
"...I can’t say enough about how well it was written." Read more
"...Despite all that, as I mentioned at the beginning, the book is very well written, which I have come to expect from Cara Dee...." Read more
"...I didn’t feel like a bystander because of the vividness of the writing...." Read more
Customers enjoy the steamy content of the book, describing it as sexy and elegant, with one customer noting the intense sex scenes.
"...story is one of love, heartache, and second chances and it’s so beautifully done...." Read more
"...It does have steamy scenes, and there's certainly a tangible attraction between Kieran and Bennett, but the book focuses more on their emotional..." Read more
"...get caught up in the intense love, passion, humor, deep hurt, and beautiful family. You can't rate that level of connection high enough...." Read more
"...It was overall pretty sweet. The writing style also gets easier after the first few chapters." Read more
Customers appreciate the level of anger in the book.
"...This story made me feel happy, sad, angry, conflicted. It gave me hope...." Read more
"...This book I added tears, grief and anger, as well as excitement and a sense of well being when everything worked out for the guys...." Read more
"A nuanced story, with poignancy, regret, pain and anger layered with attraction, desire, love and acceptance...." Read more
Reviews with images

My heart is full ❤️❤️❤️
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2025Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseIf We Could Go Back is my favorite Cara Dee book, and somehow it gets better every time I read it.
Bennett and Kieran’s story is one of love, heartache, and second chances and it’s so beautifully done.
Their story is raw and emotional in a way that feels both deeply personal and universally human. It’s about love…messy, complicated, beautiful love and what happens when timing, choices, and life get in the way. There’s heartache, yes, but there’s also so much hope. So much want. Watching these two men navigate their past and find their way back to each other is both painful and healing.
There’s something quiet and powerful about the way this book unfolds. It’s not loud or overly dramatic, but it hits you where it hurts and where it heals. The writing is honest, the pacing is just right, and the characters stay with you long after the last page.
If you love emotional slow burns, flawed but deeply loving characters, and stories that break and mend you all at once, don’t miss this one.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2025Format: KindleVerified PurchaseThis was a great story of how love will conquer all. I know others didn't agree with the cheating aspect but I show how !such these guys were trying to keep up appearances and think of others. In the end it worked out best for all.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 18, 2024Format: KindleVerified Purchase"You give me air. I can be myself."
If We Could Go Back by Cara Dee is my first book this author, but I will probably check out more by her, especially in this Camassia Cove world.
Kieran and Bennett are two men that are married, but living lives that are not complete. Not fully happy. When they meet on the train to work, they form a sort of friendship that evolves over time. I appreciated how Dee developed the relationship between these two men. They had so much in common with their kids, work life and home life, but also very different. They could relate to one another. And if you're an adult that is looking to make friends as you get older, you know how difficult it can be. Their friendship spills over into their marriages and kids and everyone is soon connected. But when after work drinks turns into alley shenanigans and truths being spilled, everything changes.
While I'm not one to condone cheating in real life, I actually don't mind it in books. I want that push and pull and angst. I want that forbidden. I want to feel the whys of it all. Because we honestly don't know what someone is going through. And Cara Dee did it well with two men that gave into their building feelings and attraction. Their lives and marriages weren't exactly a front, but there were reasons they were in the predicaments they were in. I also appreciated how this wasn't as easy as being gay. It was complicated, involved families and so much more.
If We Could Go Backis told completely from Bennett's POV and is told over a few years. While I appreciated the years that went by and how this wasn't an insta sort of relationship, I think I would've liked it even more to have even just a bit of Kieran's POV thrown in occasionally. I understood why it was from Bennett, but when it comes to romances, I like to hear from both characters. Since this was told over the years, you could feel everything building until it all comes to a boiling point and things explode. How was everyone and everything going to land after everything came to a head?
Overall, I liked the MMCs, but grappled with my feelings toward their relationship together and with their wives. Even though their wives weren't exactly perfect (I especially wasn't the biggest fan of Bennett's wife), it was difficult to see relationships break down. With that, I appreciated that the author made their story be over years to see how it changed and evolved and it wasn't immediate. But man, did I want some more spicy scenes! Give me the spice! I also really liked a few side characters as well as the kids. It made me excited to read more within the series. And since this is part of a series I do have to say that this read very easily as a standalone within a series and I did not feel like I was missing anyone's backstory.
I am looking forward to reading more from this author and hopefully a few of the side characters we met in this one.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 14, 2025Format: KindleVerified PurchaseThis is actually the 2nd time I’ve read this book. It was just as good this time around! I absolutely loved Ben and Kieran. Their story made you feel like you were there with them. I can’t say enough about how well it was written.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2023Format: KindleVerified PurchaseI may have stayed up until almost 3am so I could finish this book. I have no regrets. I picked up, If We Could Go Back, randomly. I knew nothing about the book, and to say I became hooked immediately would be an understatement.
I fell in love with Kieran and Bennett from that first moment on the train. I was completely invested in these two finding their hea. Their relationship was both beautiful and heartbreaking. Their story is so emotional. These two found friendship in each other when they needed it the most. It takes years of confusion, hurt, and turmoil before they realize there is so much more than just an amazing friendship between the two. It was a long journey to get from two strangers on a train to where they ended up, but it was worth every moment.
One of my favorite things about this book was the kids. I could feel the bond they shared with each of them. The kids were as much a part of their relationship and growth as each other were, and it was perfection.
If We Could Go Back is one of those books that will stay with me for a long time to come. I can't recommend it enough!
- Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2023Format: KindleVerified PurchaseWow….this was the first book I read by Cara Dee. What an impression it made!!! My heart breaks for every individual out there who experienced something similar to Kieran. I know those stories are out there and it saddens me!! I love when authors take situations from life and infuse them in their stories with hope. Hope for acceptance and hope for love and family. I also love when stories about lost souls who find each other when they least intend to. I know some will absolutely not agree with Kieran and Ben’s beginning. While I do not condone infidelity in any form, the situation these two were in makes it so relatable!! I hope I am never stuck in a loveless marriage in which I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can say under no circumstances would I make their same choices, but it would only be an assumption. I love that these two got their hard fought for HEA!!!
Top reviews from other countries
- MReviewed in Canada on April 29, 2019
5.0 out of 5 stars I've gone delirious
Format: KindleVerified PurchaseI freaking loved it. Seriously, I'm starting to question my sanity, cause it seems that Cara Dee can do no wrong when it comes to writing.
Strong characters that made me feel alllll the feels. Angsty, happy, sad, melancholy, giddy, hurt, resigned, hopeful.... legit all the damn feels.
Realistic with a touch of fantasy.... she doesn't sugar coat the issues the characters have, but works with them in order to make them as complete and as real as possible. It's definitely not all happy-go-lucky, but believe me, it's one hell of a ride, one you'll want to ride again and again.
Kieran and Ben are strangers that slowly morph to friends then to neighbours and then more. Only they both have kids and a wife. Neither are truly happy though, and the journey follows them through their ups and downs and all arounds.
There is a happily-ever-after but it's not an easy journey - though it's worth it in the end.
-
emseReviewed in Germany on May 5, 2019
5.0 out of 5 stars Wunderschöne
Format: KindleVerified Purchaseund herzzerreißende Story . Wie alle anderen Büchern von Cara Dee, die ich bis jetzt gelesen habe, ist auch diese Buch keine null acht fünfzig Geschichte . Man leidet und lebt die Ereignisse mit .
- NPBReviewed in France on May 8, 2019
5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it
Format: KindleVerified PurchaseI really enjoyed this book , both characters are real, a bit troubled and the kids were awesome . Although there is cheating the wives played their roles in that . Try it , you will not be disappointed.
- LarwosReviewed in Australia on June 19, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars slow and sweet romance.
Format: KindleVerified PurchaseWhat a lovely, slow burning romance!
Two (married) men on a train, slowly becoming friends and then!
I am definitely one for fidelity, so I’m surprised I loved this book so much, but the characters are so beautifully drawn, I could see Jess thumping down the stairs, yelling his joy, otpr anger. I could picture brilliant Nate, getting frustrated because his teachers asked the wrong questions and Maggie, filling her life with good deeds to cover her empty life. Jay Lin, mercurial little girl, and Allison, selfish and self absorbed, along with Pop, who had a secret of his own, what a cast, and what a wonderful story!
Bennet, as the narrator, was kind, stressed, clever and funny, and Kieran, bright, and funny, and deep and so, so, kind. whilst carrying such a burden made a lovely couple. I’m so glad this was recommended to me as a love story for the ages, and Cara Der is now added to preferred authors of romance.
- JESReviewed in the United Kingdom on May 28, 2019
5.0 out of 5 stars One to go back and read again
Format: KindleVerified PurchaseAlong with a lot of readers, adultery is not really a subject I like to read about as I think it's one of those things you hope will never happen to you (on either side). So even though Cara Dee was the author, I wasn't altogether sure I wanted to go ahead with it. As soon as I read the sample though, I was intrigued.
I really enjoyed this. Not everything is as it seems and as the storyline progresses and you get to know the characters involved, very believable. The slow build between Ben and Kieran, both their friendship and romance was just right, along with the world building of their lives and families. I don't want to say I understand how their relationship happens, but I do, and there is a lot of emotion involved (as well as sex). The children are adorable. The wives, not so much, but in different ways. Which is probably a good thing as I may not have liked the story quite as much. I couldn't always tell where this was going for Ben and Kieran or how it would work out in the end, which again I liked. Not going to leave any spoilers, you will just have to read it for yourself to find out.
Highly recommended.
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