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The Children's Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults Kindle Edition

3.9 3.9 out of 5 stars 10 ratings

Keep watching. No matter how weird it gets, DON’T change the channel.

Imagination is a wonderful thing, opening doorways of creativity and possibility. But what about the
other doors it can open? The ones revealing twisted passageways of corrupted innocence and unfathomable cosmic nothingness?

In an elementary school auditorium, on a TV set playing weird and sinister versions of today’s popular kids’ TV programs,
YOU will experience the dark side of imagination firsthand. The Children's Horror is a themed short-story collection from horror author Patrick Barb that presents today's most-popular kids TV franchises through a darker lens. From cities controlled by dogs to possibly dead children acting as would-be heroes and from infant sharks to the strange fates of written-off sitcom characters, this collection offers must-read thrills perfect for a perfectly unsettling Saturday morning.

Whether you’re a parent, caregiver, teacher, or a kid at heart, you’ve probably watched some children’s shows wondering what it would be like if things were a little different and a little darker. The time for wondering is over. Come, take a seat, the TV is on and the children have something they want you to see.

Praise for The Children's Horror

"What Robert Coover does for (and to) classic film in
A Night at the Movies, Barb does for children's TV here. This is childhood programming warped and deformed to reveal its true dark core, but also cross-pollinated with other genres in ways that make it startling, unsettling and revelatory." —Brian Evenson, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight

"
The Children's Horror is at turns gruesome and horrifying, wacky and weird; but always wholly original and boundlessly creative." —Emma Berquist, author of Devils Unto Dust and Missing, Presumed Dead

"Patrick Barb is a deranged Mr. Rogers, dragging you into an uncanny valley where childhood whimsy meets unsettling horror. This collection is a treasure chest teeming with terrifying retellings that will leave you begging for your night light."
-Brian McAuley, author of
Candy Cain Kills and Curse of the Reaper

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0D5ZQ83YQ
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Northern Republic (July 16, 2024)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ July 16, 2024
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 674 KB
  • Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 218 pages
  • Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ B0D9CMJGRL
  • Customer Reviews:
    3.9 3.9 out of 5 stars 10 ratings

About the author

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Patrick Barb
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PATRICK BARB is an author of weird, dark, and spooky tales, currently living (and trying not to freeze to death) in Saint Paul, Minnesota. His published works include the dark fiction collections THE CHILDREN'S HORROR and PRE-APPROVED FOR HAUNTING, the novellas GARGANTUANA'S GHOST, TURN, and JK-LOL, as well as the novelette HELICOPTER PARENTING IN THE AGE OF DRONE WARFARE. He is the editor and publisher of the anthology AND ONE DAY WE WILL DIE: STRANGE STORIES INSPIRED BY THE MUSIC OF NEUTRAL MILK JOTEL. His forthcoming works include the Killer VHS novella NIGHT OF THE WITCH-HUNTER from Shortwave Publishing and his debut sci-fi/horror novel ABDUCTED from Dark Matter Ink. His 2023 short story "The Scare Groom" was selected for BEST HORROR OF THE YEAR VOLUME 16.

Customer reviews

3.9 out of 5 stars
10 global ratings

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Creepy but lots of Character!
4 out of 5 stars
Creepy but lots of Character!
I recently rewatched parts of the 1985 TV movie The Hugga Bunch because reading Patrick Barb's new short story collection got me thinking about the various slightly creepy 1980s and 1990s children's TV programs I watched as a kid via so many VHS tapes. I'm mostly familiar with Barb's short stories and he has a strong penchant for ratcheting up the tension and delivering the strange horror goods we all expect from this genre. I thought the horrific children's TV show angle was unique and captured in unexpected ways throughout. My favorite stories out of this particular bunch were "Two Rare Specimens," "The Shark in Her Belly," and "The Big Good Boy." Weird horror tales can often lose track of the characters, but Barb keeps the emotional core intact for these stories even as the action rises.I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on August 16, 2024
    “Horror is NOT for children!” I have heard this said so many times. And while in some cases, this is true, in the case of reality, horror may not be for children, but many children definitely know horror. After all, they have to contend the monster under the bed (check!), school testing (check!) and trying to change themselves so they can fit in and be accepted by others (check!).

    In The Children’s Horror: Cursed Episodes for Doomed Adults, author Patrick Barb covers these areas well, along with a scattered other few. The thing about the stories in this book, though, is that the children appear to be, well, so CALM while the horror is taking place.

    Maybe it’s just the children have been so desensitized to real horror after being exposed to so much other horror going on in their lives. I mean, there’s abuse at home, homophobia in the schools, books that help them feel seen and included being banned from their libraries, peer pressure, bullying, and, oh yeah, puberty. (EEK!)

    Seriously, though. All that is not to say that this is a book that would be okay for children to read. I mean, they can, but some of these stories are just so frightening, that maybe they’d rather not? This is definitely a book of stories for older readers, not children, and I really enjoyed reading them. My favorite stories were the title story, “The Children’s Horror” (of course), “The Dogcatcher,” “Two Rare Specimens” (a nice twist on the Boogeyman story!), “The Shark in Her Belly” and “The Big Good Boy.”

    If you enjoy reading stories of horror and suspense, check out Patrick Barb’s new collection, The Children’s Horror. You won’t be disappointed.
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 7, 2024
    This was a good collection of stories. if you ever wondered what your kid's shows would be like if they were on the darker side then this is for you. At the end Patrick tells you which shows each story is based off of. These are all good stories but the ones that are my personal favorites are:

    The secret society of Schrodinger's children

    Two rare specimens

    The big good boy

    Also I give nostalgia points to The final choice of Peter Chu because I was big into Pokemon as a kid.
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 16, 2024
    Patrick Barb’s The Children’s Horror took me right back to those creepy, quirky, eerie television shows / movies of my 1980’s youth. Such an excellent horror book, I had so much fun reading it 🖤
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 8, 2024
    I recently rewatched parts of the 1985 TV movie The Hugga Bunch because reading Patrick Barb's new short story collection got me thinking about the various slightly creepy 1980s and 1990s children's TV programs I watched as a kid via so many VHS tapes. I'm mostly familiar with Barb's short stories and he has a strong penchant for ratcheting up the tension and delivering the strange horror goods we all expect from this genre. I thought the horrific children's TV show angle was unique and captured in unexpected ways throughout. My favorite stories out of this particular bunch were "Two Rare Specimens," "The Shark in Her Belly," and "The Big Good Boy." Weird horror tales can often lose track of the characters, but Barb keeps the emotional core intact for these stories even as the action rises.

    I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
    Customer image
    4.0 out of 5 stars
    Creepy but lots of Character!

    Reviewed in the United States on August 8, 2024
    I recently rewatched parts of the 1985 TV movie The Hugga Bunch because reading Patrick Barb's new short story collection got me thinking about the various slightly creepy 1980s and 1990s children's TV programs I watched as a kid via so many VHS tapes. I'm mostly familiar with Barb's short stories and he has a strong penchant for ratcheting up the tension and delivering the strange horror goods we all expect from this genre. I thought the horrific children's TV show angle was unique and captured in unexpected ways throughout. My favorite stories out of this particular bunch were "Two Rare Specimens," "The Shark in Her Belly," and "The Big Good Boy." Weird horror tales can often lose track of the characters, but Barb keeps the emotional core intact for these stories even as the action rises.

    I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
    Images in this review
    Customer image
  • Reviewed in the United States on July 16, 2024
    I will say this book wasn’t bad but it wasn’t good either. It wasn’t too scary for my liking and it was really hard to finish it. I will say even tho I didn’t like it as much. There were a few stories that I did like. I think for me to give this book a 5star it has to be more scarier.

    I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

Top reviews from other countries

  • Thomas Joyce
    4.0 out of 5 stars A fantastic collection
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 24, 2024
    It's an interesting premise for a horror collection of short stories, to base them around kid's tv shows. Barb largely eschews the typical horror tropes in favour of something altogether weirder. And the stories are all the better for it. Aside from the connections to kid's tv shows - which are fun, but don't get distracted by trying to figure them out because Barb lists them at the end of the book - the stories are horrific nightmare fuel. From the opening story where one quiet whisper between classmates leads to a terrifying silent group of children seemingly connected in other unnatural ways closing on their teacher, to the body horror of an unnatural pregnancy with teeth, to a creepy and eerie cartoon character costume with unnatural effects on those who wear it. I know, I used "unnatural" for all three examples, but it really is the best word to describe Barb's tales. He has a profound ability when it comes to tapping into the feelings that unnerve us and weaving them into tales that'll keep us up at night. Then there are the tales which, as well as leaving us with goosebumps, also manage to tug at the heartstrings. Just read "Your Selkie Lover" and "The Big Good Boy" and you'll see what I mean. An altogether fantastic collection.

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