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F*cked at 40: Life Beyond Suburbia, Monogamy and Stretch Marks Paperback – March 9, 2021

4.6 out of 5 stars 1,485 ratings

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Over 1.3m engaged followers on social media love to hear Tova Leigh's frank, funny, outrageous and often moving views on life. This updated paperback is filled with all that and more, with the addition of a new chapter on life in lockdown.

“I was bored, angry, tired and sad. I felt all alone, yet I had nothing to complain about. I had a good job, a husband who wasn't shagging his assistant, three children who apart from being occasional a**holes were pretty good kids; a house, a dog and everything else we are told as little girls we should aspire to. But inside, I was restless. I didn't want to be seen as ‘just a mom’. I wanted to be desired, to make someone's hair stand on end and go crazy for me. I panicked, and wondered how many years I had left of being ‘f**ckable’ before everything starts going downhill?”

F*cked at 40 is a funny, raw and empowering mid-life crisis. Tova Leigh takes the reader along on her journey of rediscovering her identity after motherhood, encouraging women to break free from society’s expectations. When you find authenticity it's like opening a door to the truth – it's hard to go back. This is what prompted Tova to write this book for herself and for women like her, to say: HERE I AM.

This paperback edition of Tova's bestselling memoir includes a brand-new, hilarious chapter on her life, revealing how vibrators didn't just add a zing to life but also provided an income that put food on the table.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Tova Leigh has been there, done that, and lived to tell the healing, hilarious tale."
—Sarah Knight, New York Times bestselling author of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck

"A funny, honest account of motherhood and ageing that women from all walks of life will relate to."
- The Sun

Funny and irreverent"
— Grazia Book Club

"Tova's book is a refreshing dose of reality, telling it like it really is, while being funny at the same time!"
— Dr Philippa Kaye, GP and author of The M word: Everything you need to know about the menopause

"Tova’s book is funny, entertaining and relatable. A must read for any Mum!"
- Danielle Collins, The Face Yoga Expert and author of Danielle Collins' Face Yoga

“The way she talks about her body, her relationship with her body, seizing the day ultimately and just living life. I found it really refreshing.”
- Giovanna Fletcher

"Buy it, have a read of it, it's good fun."
- Nadia Sawalha 

"... the best thing is you don't have to be 40 (or f*cked) to enjoy it!"
- Kaye Adams

"You don't have to be a mum to read it, you don't need to be 40 to read it, you just need to read it!"
- Pina Crispo

"Hilarious, funny, raw, intellectual, engaging, witty read, this book is for you"
- Lucy Werner, author of bestseller Hype Yourself

"It's about love, relationships, happiness, motherhood, it's acceptance of who you are and the age you are and age is just a number."
- Sophie McCartney, Tired 'N Tested blog

About the Author

Former lawyer turned internationally successful content creator Tova Leigh moved from Israel to the UK in 2006 to pursue a career in acting. Tova wrote, acted and produced several films, before starting a family in 2011 with her husband Mike. 

Needing an outlet for her creative spirit while being mum to three girls Tova started a blog - 
My Thoughts About Stuff - in 2015 which, in less than three years, turned her into an internet sensation, spawning a hugely successful facebook page, instragram account, and a one-woman live show all filled with her blunt rants about motherhood, sex and all things taboo. She also co-hosts a weekly podcast #nailedit with her husband. She is a mother of three girls and lives together with her family in London.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Watkins Publishing (March 9, 2021)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1786785226
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1786785220
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.13 x 0.8 x 7.75 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 out of 5 stars 1,485 ratings

About the author

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Tova Leigh
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Tova was born in Israel where she practiced law. She moved to the UK in 2006 to pursue a career in acting. With an MA in performing arts and a diploma in script writing, Tova went on to write, act and produce several films, before starting a family in 2011 with her husband Mike. She started her successful blog - My Thoughts About Stuff - in 2015 which in less than three years made her into an internet sensation with her blunt rants about motherhood, sex and all things taboo. Her viral online series Mom Life Crisis resonated with millions of women across the world and later became a documentary film on Amazon Prime Video. She also co-hosts a weekly podcast #nailedit with her husband. She is a mother of three girls and lives together with her family in London.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
1,485 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book well-written and easy to read, describing it as an ultimate womanhood Bible. The book is relatable, with one customer noting how it expresses feelings with ease, and customers appreciate its humor, particularly the honest laugh-out-loud moments. Customers praise its authenticity, with one review highlighting how it lays everything out there, and they find it inspiring, with one mentioning it can save lives. The book's pacing receives positive feedback, with customers describing Tova as brilliant, and they appreciate its eye-opening nature, making them feel seen.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

18 customers mention "Readability"18 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well written and easy to read, describing it as a must-read for women and the ultimate womanhood Bible.

"...Read it for the understanding, read it for the honest laugh out loud moments. But above all, this book is the best of the year." Read more

"...It is the ultimate womanhood Bible!!" Read more

"...a while and I love her raw, unfiltered comedy and perspective on motherhood and life in general...." Read more

"...Tova, you have got it figured out. This book was such a honest look at motherhood, being a wife, and being a woman...." Read more

18 customers mention "Relatability"18 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very relatable, feeling understood and emotional while reading it.

"...Tova GETS IT! Finally a book that hit me in all the feels. I’ve been stuck in that mom rut, life rut and this book spoke volumes...." Read more

"...and engaging read written by a strong woman who had the courage to examine her life and make the changes necessary to be authentic and happy...." Read more

"...It’s so eye opening and life changing. She expresses the way I feel with such ease. Things I couldn’t possibly have expressed as well as she does...." Read more

"...Down to the dot relatable." Read more

16 customers mention "Humor"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the book humorous, with some mentioning they read it for the honest laugh-out-loud moments.

"...Read it for the understanding, read it for the honest laugh out loud moments. But above all, this book is the best of the year." Read more

"...Her honesty, realness, and great humor are there, but I found the book a bit rambling...." Read more

"...This was a great and funny book. I'm so happy to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way...." Read more

"...followed Tova on social media for a while and I love her raw, unfiltered comedy and perspective on motherhood and life in general...." Read more

12 customers mention "Authenticity"12 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's authenticity, describing it as honest and real.

"This book was amazing, raw, real and lays it all out there. This is the first book I have ever connected to, like I did this book by Tova Leigh...." Read more

"...Her honesty, realness, and great humor are there, but I found the book a bit rambling...." Read more

"...It's raw and real and relatable." Read more

"Tova is honest, down to earth and completely relatable!! Read this book at the age of 35 and it still resonated with me!..." Read more

10 customers mention "Inspiration"10 positive0 negative

Customers find the book inspiring, with one mentioning it can save lives and another noting it's refreshing to not feel alone.

"...A great inspiration and motivation for all of us women out here that need a little reminder to take the time to remember who we are and who we want..." Read more

"...It’s so eye opening and life changing. She expresses the way I feel with such ease. Things I couldn’t possibly have expressed as well as she does...." Read more

"...can appreciate her story as she rediscovers herself and gains new confidence that we should all have!" Read more

"Thank you, Tova. It is encouraging and empowering. Honest and heartfelt...." Read more

10 customers mention "Pacing"10 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's pacing, with multiple customers praising Tova's brilliance and raw approach.

"Chapter 1 sucked me in. I was teary eyed by chapter two. Tova GETS IT! Finally a book that hit me in all the feels...." Read more

"This book was amazing, raw, real and lays it all out there. This is the first book I have ever connected to, like I did this book by Tova Leigh...." Read more

"...It's raw and real and relatable." Read more

"Just started reading this and I absolutely love it! It’s raw, to the point with a twist of comedy. Every woman has lost their mind at some point...." Read more

6 customers mention "Eye opening"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book eye-opening, making them feel seen, with one customer noting how it lays everything out clearly.

"This book was amazing, raw, real and lays it all out there. This is the first book I have ever connected to, like I did this book by Tova Leigh...." Read more

"...I wish I’d gotten it as soon as it was available! It’s so eye opening and life changing. She expresses the way I feel with such ease...." Read more

"Its amazing the vision of simple and nice direct way of describing most of our way of life .the embrace the body the soul and day to day challenge..." Read more

"This book totally met me where I was and made me feel seen. Thank you Tova!!!" Read more

6 customers mention "Reading quality"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book captivating and insightful, describing it as fun to read.

"...A quick and engaging read written by a strong woman who had the courage to examine her life and make the changes necessary to be authentic and happy...." Read more

"...I loved every. Single. Part. Of. This. Book. This book was captivating, I could NOT put it down!!!..." Read more

"Any woman over the age of 29 will find this book entertaining, well written and an adventure worth taking with Tova...." Read more

"...I read it in under 2 days and it was brilliant!!!! Insightful, hilarious, and completely relatable (haha!) Amazing work, Tova." Read more

The ultimate womanhood Bible!
5 out of 5 stars
The ultimate womanhood Bible!
Highly recommend this book! It is so refreshing to know that my experiences as a mom, wife, homemaker, lover, and all around womanhood, isn't at all strange or taboo. To be all of these things and be sexy while accomplishing everything and making it look as though it's absolutely NOTHING, can make one feel so utterly lonely, it's depressing. Thank you Tova, for having the guts and enough Chutzpah for ALL of us women! Thank you for showing me and all women that we are not alone, and our thoughts and feeling about life should be celebrated instead of shamed! Every woman should read this book no matter what stage in life you are up to. It is the ultimate womanhood Bible!!
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on May 14, 2020
    Chapter 1 sucked me in. I was teary eyed by chapter two. Tova GETS IT! Finally a book that hit me in all the feels. I’ve been stuck in that mom rut, life rut and this book spoke volumes. Read it for the understanding, read it for the honest laugh out loud moments. But above all, this book is the best of the year.
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2020
    I LOVED this book. It was hard to put down (when I had to do so). Even though some of the beliefs she holds are not the same as the ones I do, that is what makes it so great. It is really refreshing to see other's point of view on life. Certain chapters I wish she would have gone into greater detail (Like WHAT did she say to the a$$hat that made the comment at the kid's birthday party....or how her feelings are on any encounters Mike has had...) One part says it will be for her second book (which I can not wait for). She also doesn't have to share EVERY single detail and aspect no matter how much her followers wish it. She deserves to have things for just her (and her family). I would definetly recommend this book!
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on March 11, 2020
    In my 41 years, this might be the first book I have ever read cover to cover in just one day! A quick and engaging read written by a strong woman who had the courage to examine her life and make the changes necessary to be authentic and happy. A great inspiration and motivation for all of us women out here that need a little reminder to take the time to remember who we are and who we want to be as individuals outside of (or, in addition to) the roles we play as wives and mothers.
    2 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on June 15, 2020
    This book was amazing, raw, real and lays it all out there. This is the first book I have ever connected to, like I did this book by Tova Leigh. I recommend this book to any woman at any age, even men could benefit from reading this book. I loved every. Single. Part. Of. This. Book. This book was captivating, I could NOT put it down!!! Tova says the things we are all thinking and let’s us know we are not alone in this cruel, judgmental world!!! Thank you Tova!!!
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2020
    I have been a fan of Tova for a while, starting with seeing her videos on Facebook, but this was only a so-so read for me. Her honesty, realness, and great humor are there, but I found the book a bit rambling. Tova seemingly kept coming back to the same thoughts/feelings/points many times - so much so that I found myself distracted and wondering if she was trying to convince herself of something while writing. Admittedly, this IS meant to be a light "summer" type of read, but it just missed the mark for me..... as do so many "public persona" autobiographies.
    All in all, a good first attempt at an idea that may have need some guided story boarding to really hit a home run.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on March 11, 2020
    *ARC provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review*

    This is a memoir by Tova Leigh who reached internet fame via her online blog and viral videos. I personally didn't think I had ever heard of her, but when one of her videos is mentioned in the book I realized that I did remember seeing that one video and maybe a couple of other ones at some point on Facebook.

    Tova takes you on a journey through her life growing up in Israel all the way through her current marriage and life today. She touches on learning how to love and be loved, the ups and downs and craziness of motherhood, and the feelings that I think most of us have felt about our bodies when we are approaching or have reached 40. I could definitely identify with her during some parts of the book and not at all in others, but the area I didn't identify with her were still very interesting to read.

    Overall, I really enjoyed the book and how Tova told her story. She's a great storyteller and if there happens to be a follow up book as it's hinted at then I think I would definitely read it too!
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 26, 2020
    It took me so long to purchase this book because my children are adults. I thought it wouldn’t be something I could relate to. I was so wrong! This book is amazing! I wish I’d gotten it as soon as it was available! It’s so eye opening and life changing. She expresses the way I feel with such ease. Things I couldn’t possibly have expressed as well as she does. I couldn’t put it down! Incredible! Must read!!! Tova Leigh is a genius!
  • Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2020
    I loved this book so much that I bought a second copy and gifted it to my best friend who’s like a sister to me, and told her that she had to read it. No matter what stage you are at in your life there is something you can take from this book! It was so wonderful to read and feel like there was someone else on this Earth who gets what you’re going through. This book changed my entire outlook on how I was living my life. I have been talking about traveling for years and have always let my anxiety and depression get in the way of living the life I want to live. After reading this book I’ve been out of my house more and I’ve booked a trip Bali for a year and a half from now. I don’t think I ever would have done it if I hadn’t read this book. I’m inspired in so many ways, and highly recommend reading. You WILL NOT regret picking up a copy.
    4 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

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  • Alexandra Guigui
    5.0 out of 5 stars this book is amazing!!!!
    Reviewed in France on March 16, 2020
    Thank you Tova for writing such an honest book about motherhood and womanhood!
    The book's only flaw is that once you have started, you cannot stop reading it !!! The writing style is perfect, so flowing
    GO READ THIS BOOK LADIES (and gents)
  • Joyce R.
    5.0 out of 5 stars F*cked at 40!
    Reviewed in Spain on March 19, 2020
    Me encanta este libro! Esta en ingles pero para mi no es un problema. Creo que es un libro que ayuda a CADA mujer, no hace falta tener los 40 años, yo tengo 28 y con cada pagina que leo me encuentro con las mismas emociones, esta escrito de una manera genial y divertida. Vamos, el libro perfecto para las mujeres y madres
    Report
  • Krenz
    5.0 out of 5 stars Such a good read
    Reviewed in Germany on February 3, 2022
    I enjoyed reading it so much. Could read it easily. Had a lot of laughs.

    Kann das Buch sehr empfehlen. Ist sehr lustig, aber auch deep. Liest sich leicht. Sieht chic aus. Auch gut zu verschenken.

    Habe keine Kinder aber kann trotzdem damit was anfangen! Das sagt schon alles.
  • Christie S Beck
    5.0 out of 5 stars Tova gets it
    Reviewed in Canada on March 31, 2020
    This book. It's a must read for any woman nearing or in her 40's. It's well written and easy to read. Possibly because I can hear Tova reading it to me. While this book has a lot about being a mother, it is so much more than that. It's about finding yourself and living your authentic life. It's ok to want things outside your family life. Including sex.

    I see myself in her adolescent stalker style love and in her view of her body and food. Through reading, I found myself nodding in agreement so often and feeling so seen and heard. She talks about things we just don't talk about. We should be talking about these things!

    What's exceptionally wonderful about Tova herself is that if you message her, she will often message you back! She's a real and genuinely wonderful and kind woman.

    If another book is in the thoughts, I can't wait to read that one too!
  • Casiana
    5.0 out of 5 stars Genuine
    Reviewed in Italy on April 28, 2020
    Bought the book tonight, kindle version, cause I couldn't wait for the hard copy... I'm 74 pages in and I absolutely love it, as I thought I would, cause I have been following Tova for some time now... I know Tova reads these feedbacks so...
    I'm a 36 y.o. Romanian gal, settled in Italy for 14 years now, wife and mother of 2 kids and , as I am sure you have heard a lot lately, you are food for my soul in so many ways. Please keep on writing and posting your videos. The main word that keeps popping in my head is GENUINE. That is what you are. YOU RULE! Thank you for this book. A blessing! Luv